At that point, I had known my wife Janey for fourteen years and we had been married, without kids, for eleven. I never spoke to anyone about my now “Velveeta Cheese” marriage. As Erica Jong put it, it was: “filling, fattening even, but no thrill to the taste buds, no bittersweet edge.” I had trouble even admitting this to myself. But a symptom had appeared the previous year right after I had started working at the place. I began masturbating fairly regularly during the workday.It was easy to find a place; the northern half of my floor was an unrented space that mirrored the one occupied by my company. The door was never locked, so I went in there once and found a large empty space without cubicles and offices lining the outside walls.Those empty offices were where I found the release for my sexual discontent. I would kneel or stand in one with my tube of Vaseline or hand cream, and imagine all the experiences I figured I had missed along the way. As I was approaching my thirty-third. Two healthy people, full of life. But passing in opposite directions. Other circumstances, other places ... maybe.Walker said, “I saw that.”Vanessa and I flew to Milwaukee early Sunday morning. Euforia was dark Sunday, Monday and Tuesday so we had time to look up a pedophile. The one who had purchased young Sasha Andrushchenko. Vanessa’s grandmother back when she lived in Kiev. Arthur Flanders. In his 80s but still around.We didn’t have a plan, didn’t contemplate revenge or police involvement or ... anything really. It was partly curiosity. But also, as I told Vanessa, “It’s just better to know. Usually.”I was wading through the ashes of what had been a very posh house. Difficult to imagine now.Allstate had written the homeowner’s policy in 1998, the year the house was built on one of the last remaining vacant lots west of Brookside. West of Wornal. Brookside is upper middle class. Go a street or two west toward Ward Parkway and the size and value of the homes increase steadily.This.
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